Writing
Notes from the library
Short pieces about the ordinary mechanics of living with someone — what actually helps, what only sounds like it should, and why the same argument keeps coming back.
Quizzes
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The Check-In
Twenty questions about how things actually are right now. Three minutes, nobody watching, no right answers.
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What is my relationship capacity score?
Thirty-two questions about how many tabs you have open, what recovers, and what is left for the two of you. No email needed to see the result.
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What are my relationship patterns?
Fifteen questions about what you tend to do when you really care about someone. No email needed to see the result.
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Do I have any relationship red flags?
Fifteen questions about the habits that show up when you are stressed, scared, angry or deeply attached. No email needed to see the result.
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What is your sexual style?
Fifteen questions about how you actually are, not how adventurous you think you are supposed to be. No email needed to see the result.
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What is it actually like to be in a relationship with you?
Your partner has an answer. These twenty-four questions might help you find yours. No email needed to see the result.
31 August 2026 · 10 min read
Women aren't giving up on love. They're giving up on the deal.
Women have not suddenly stopped wanting love, companionship, sex, marriage or families. What appears to be changing is their willingness to accept a relationship that asks them to earn like a modern equal and still serve like a traditional wife.
31 August 2026 · 8 min read
What does it actually feel like to be loved well?
There is a version of love we talk about constantly because it is easy to photograph. Some of the strongest signs of a good relationship never make it into the picture.
26 August 2026 · 8 min read
Before you fall in love, learn their story
When you're getting to know someone, there are the obvious questions. Then there are the ones we often don't ask until much later — sometimes after we've already built a life with the person.
26 August 2026 · 9 min read
You don't need to recreate your parents' marriage
There is something beautiful about growing up watching a marriage that lasts. There is also a danger in allowing a role model to become a blueprint.
24 August 2026 · 9 min read
Stop dating potential
Potential is seductive because it allows us to fall in love not only with the person standing in front of us, but with the person we can imagine them becoming.
17 August 2026 · 9 min read
Love without self-abandonment
There is an idea about romantic love that sounds beautiful until you examine what it can ask people to give up: that if you really love someone, they become your whole world.
10 August 2026 · 9 min read
Your type might be getting in the way of compatibility
Some people have a very definite type. The trouble is that the picture you have always had of the person you would end up with is not the same thing as the person you can actually live with.
7 August 2026 · 5 min read
Why your friends aren't always the best people to ask for relationship advice
It's a familiar scenario. You're going through a rough patch in your relationship and instinctively turn to your closest friends or family for advice. After all, they know you well, care about you,…
3 August 2026 · 8 min read
Your partner should add capacity to your life, not become another thing you have to manage
We talk a lot about what we want in a partner. There is another question we should be asking far more often: does being with this person increase your capacity, or consume it?
31 July 2026 · 4 min read
Do you do these 10 things in your marriage?
10 timeless principles for a healthy, happy, and lasting marriage
27 July 2026 · 7 min read
You want a husband or wife. But are you ready to be one?
There is a considerable difference between wanting to get married and actually being ready to be married, although we do not always distinguish between the two particularly well.
24 July 2026 · 3 min read
The peacock in the relationship: when being seen becomes more important than seeing
A peacock is impossible to ignore. With its brilliant feathers, dramatic display, and commanding presence, it naturally draws attention. It is beautiful, captivating, and impossible to miss.