What is my relationship capacity score?

How many tabs are open? · 1/32

Work, children, money, health, admin — the number of things currently requiring a decision.

How many major areas of your life currently require active attention?

Think work, children, finances, moving house, caring for relatives, health appointments, school problems, legal or admin issues, relationship difficulties, major projects, or anything else that regularly requires decisions.

How many tabs are open? · 2/32

During the past week, how often have you remembered something important only after you were supposed to do it?

How many tabs are open? · 3/32

How many unfinished tasks are currently sitting in your head because you have not written them down, delegated them or completed them?

Do not count tiny things. Think appointments to book, messages to answer, decisions to make, bills, school forms, work tasks, household jobs.

How many tabs are open? · 4/32

In the last seven days, how often have you been doing one task while mentally thinking about two or three others?

How many tabs are open? · 5/32

When you unexpectedly get 30 minutes with nothing you have to do, what usually happens?

What happens when another person needs something? · 6/32

Not the kind of listener you think you are. What has actually happened this week when they started talking.

Your partner starts telling you something while you are doing another task. What has happened most often recently?

What happens when another person needs something? · 7/32

How often have you said some version of “What?”, “Sorry, I was not listening” or “Can you say that again?” to your partner this week?

What happens when another person needs something? · 8/32

Your partner asks you to do something small that was not part of your plan. What response has been most typical lately?

What happens when another person needs something? · 9/32

How often have you and your partner had a conversation interrupted because one of you needed to deal with something else?

What happens when another person needs something? · 10/32

When your partner tells you about their day, how much of it do you usually remember later?

What gets dropped first? · 11/32

When the week fills up, something gives. This is which.

When life gets busy, which thing tends to disappear first?

What gets dropped first? · 12/32

During the last month, how many times have you cancelled something enjoyable because there was simply too much to do?

What gets dropped first? · 13/32

What most often happens after the essential tasks are done for the day?

What gets dropped first? · 14/32

In the past week, how often have you gone to bed later than you wanted because you were finally getting uninterrupted time?

How much recovery is actually happening? · 15/32

Time when nobody needed anything, and whether it actually restored you.

In the past seven days, how many periods of at least one hour did you have when nobody needed anything from you and you were not working?

How much recovery is actually happening? · 16/32

After sleeping, how often do you wake feeling meaningfully restored?

How much recovery is actually happening? · 17/32

When you get a break, how long does it usually take before you stop mentally running through what needs doing?

How much recovery is actually happening? · 18/32

In the last week, how many things did you do purely because you enjoyed them?

Is your relationship using capacity or creating it? · 19/32

What happens to a problem, and whether it leaves your head when they take it.

Something suddenly goes wrong. What usually happens between you?

Is your relationship using capacity or creating it? · 20/32

Think about your partner’s responsibilities. How many of them do you also need to keep track of to make sure they happen?

Is your relationship using capacity or creating it? · 21/32

If you became unavailable tomorrow for 48 hours, what would happen to everyday life?

Is your relationship using capacity or creating it? · 22/32

When your partner takes responsibility for something, when do you stop thinking about it?

Is your relationship using capacity or creating it? · 23/32

Over the last month, which statement best describes being with your partner when you are exhausted?

What does overload look like in you? · 24/32

Irritation, unread messages, walking into a room and forgetting why. Observable, not a verdict.

Over the last two weeks, how often have you been disproportionately irritated by something small?

A misplaced object, a question, someone interrupting you, noise, a change of plan, a slow driver, another message arriving.

What does overload look like in you? · 25/32

How often have you opened a message, thought “I cannot deal with this now” and left it unanswered?

What does overload look like in you? · 26/32

How often have you walked into a room and forgotten what you went there for?

What does overload look like in you? · 27/32

When plans change unexpectedly, how does it usually affect you at the moment?

What does overload look like in you? · 28/32

How often do ordinary sounds, conversation, touching or people asking questions feel like “too much”?

Is there room for the relationship? · 29/32

Conversations that were not logistics, and what you notice when they suggest doing something together.

In the last seven days, how many conversations of at least 20 minutes have you and your partner had that were not mainly about logistics, work, money, children or problems?

Is there room for the relationship? · 30/32

In the last seven days, how many times did you spontaneously initiate affection, sex, humour, conversation or some other form of connection with your partner?

Is there room for the relationship? · 31/32

When your partner suggests doing something together, what reaction do you notice most often?

Is there room for the relationship? · 32/32

If somebody offered to take every responsibility away from you for one evening, what would you most want to do?