Who is writing this

I am not a therapist, and I am not going to write as though I were. What I have is twelve years with the same person: two of us who argued badly for a long time, worked out how to argue better, and kept notes.

That is where all of this came from. My husband and I spent years having a version of the same argument — different words each time, the same shape underneath — until we stopped trying to win it and started trying to understand what it was actually about. What we found useful, what took years longer than it should have, and what we still get wrong on a bad week: that is the material.

So everything here is written from the inside. It is not a clinical programme and it is not a system with a name and a trademark. It is what two people worked out, set down plainly enough that two other people can try it.

What I will not do

• Tell you a relationship can be repaired in a weekend, or by one person doing all of it.
• Quote a number I cannot source. There are no statistics on this site, because I do not have any I would stand behind.
• Write as though one of you is the problem and the other is the audience. This is written for both of you, whoever you are, in whatever arrangement you have.
• Publish a testimonial. Nobody has bought anything here yet, and inventing a reader would poison everything else on the page.

Where the library is up to

Most of the shelves are empty. The first book is in draft, the worksheets follow it, and the course is being built. The check-in is finished — twenty questions, about three minutes, free, and no email needed to see the result. It is the honest starting point, and it is what I would point a friend at.

If you want to say something, disagree with something, or tell me the book was wrong about you, get in touch. It reaches me.