The Check-In

Heat · 1/20

When I am upset, I can pause and breathe before I respond.

Heat · 2/20

I can name what I am feeling — something more specific than "fine" or "angry".

Heat · 3/20

I have ways of settling myself that actually work: a walk, sleep, writing, talking.

Heat · 4/20

I do not explode, go cold, or disappear when I am under strain.

Foundations · 5/20

I can spot when I am repeating an old pattern rather than responding to what is in front of me.

Foundations · 6/20

I know what sets me off, and roughly why — not just that it happens.

Foundations · 7/20

I have thought honestly about how I was raised and what I carried out of it.

Foundations · 8/20

I can tell the difference between chemistry and actually suiting each other.

Doors · 9/20

I can say what I need without blaming or going on the attack.

Doors · 10/20

I can hear criticism without getting defensive or shutting down.

Doors · 11/20

I apologise when I am wrong, and then actually change something.

Doors · 12/20

I can stay in a hard conversation instead of walking out or going silent.

Walls · 13/20

I can be open about something difficult without feeling weak for it.

Walls · 14/20

I do not need constant reassurance, or get anxious when my partner is busy.

Walls · 15/20

I can be close to someone and still know who I am on my own.

Walls · 16/20

I do not create distance when things start to feel genuinely intimate.

Keys · 17/20

I am in this to build something, not to avoid being on my own.

Keys · 18/20

I have properly finished with my last relationship — not still angry, not still turning it over.

Keys · 19/20

I have a life outside this relationship: people, work, things I care about.

Keys · 20/20

I am not waiting for someone else to fix or rescue me.