The red flag, green flag decoder

This is not a test and it will not hand you a verdict. It gives you language for things you may already half-know, including the awkward middle category: patterns that may dry out or spread depending on what you both do next.

Love isn’t luck. It’s pattern recognition — and most patterns are visible long before they become urgent.

A few of the patterns inside

The PDF has ten red, ten green and five amber patterns. These are three from each list:

Red — cracks in the foundation

• The door closes — When something is wrong, conflict becomes disappearance rather than discussion.
• Walking on eggshells — You watch for the reaction rather than saying the thing.
• Nothing gets repaired — Arguments end in silence or get swept under the rug.

Green — signs the house is sound

• Repair actually happens — The apology is followed by different behaviour.
• Honesty is safe — You can say a doubt, need or fear without punishment or withdrawal.
• You are still yourself — Your hobbies, friendships and values are intact.

Amber — the damp patches

• Life is genuinely in chaos — The strain is real; what matters is whether it is being handled with awareness.
• You handle conflict differently — Workable when both of you will move towards the middle.
• Chemistry without compatibility — The attraction is real and your plans point in opposite directions.

What it is like to use

Read slowly and tick what you recognise. There is no score or threshold. Look at where the ticks cluster, then use the exercise at the end to name one green flag and one amber flag together.

What happens next

Put in your address, tick the box and we will email you the PDF. The tick also says yes to one short note a week, and every email has a link to stop them.